I'm In Love With The Drunken Canal
plus Vday events
Hi you lonely bastards,
This is The Deviant Dispatch. I’m Mo, your guide to the underground. On Wednesday I write about events and gossip. On Friday I write about juicier gossip for paying subscribers (just $5 a month). If you can, please consider becoming a paying subscriber so I can devote myself to this grind full time. If you don’t have the coins, please share this with someone or hit the heart button.
Valentine’s Day is this weekend and there’s a new love in my life: the newspaper The Drunken Canal. Centered around the bohemian scene around Dimes Square ( a gentrifying corner of Chinatown), the paper is hedonistic and often hilarious. A suggested date idea from the paper’s Love & Life issue reads as follows:
Build a blanket fort, do a copious amount of ketamine, K-hole and then watch the 2003 classic film “Holes” starring Shia Labeouf."
Speaking of Labeouf, the paper also runs a quarterly cancelation roundup (“improper slippage will land you on this list next season!”). Such facetious verbiage exemplifies the paper’s tone: equal parts snobby and self-deprecating.
The people behind this self-proclaimed “biased news source” are 23 year olds Clare and Gutes. The former works in a restaurant and the latter works in an art gallery. The duo don’t have any prior publishing experience, which helps them dodge the uptight earnestness of dedicated journalists. “I guess I could be a writer, but mostly I am just an artist who likes words” Gutes writes in an article where she interviews her reply guy.
That artist sensibility comes out in the paper’s winking font choices and the location of issues in abandoned newspaper boxes. There are features on The Real Housewives of Dime Square, musings on high fashion gingers, and a paparazzi spread concerning people I’ve never heard of.
The people I do recognize have me impressed. In this issue, club fixture Sophie Lamar and critic Dean Kissick describe their worst dates while doomed influencer Caroline Calloway and writer Cat Marnell interview each other about sex parties.
The paper already got a feature in The Cut after only having 3 issues out, and the hype IRL is equally real. While I waited by the abandoned newspaper box for Claire and Gutes to restock issues, I witnessed a horde of Gen-Zers looking for copies. One young woman looked behind the newspaper box before opening it, clearly expecting mischief of some kind. When she discovered it was empty, she slunk around Dime Square peering into storefronts and checking other newspaper boxes, intent on the search.
After waiting 30 minutes past when the restock was supposed to happen, I abandoned the hunt and slunk down to the F train platform. Then I sprinted back to Dimes Square when a lanky twink joined me on the platform with two issues under the arm of his teddy coat. After posting the paper to my Instagram story, hipsters I hadn’t spoken to since the pandemic started slid into my DMs to sing it’s praises.
If you’re looking for a copy of your very own, head to the park at the intersection of Canal and Essex street and look in the newspaper boxes. You can also fork over money to the paper’s Patreon to get it delivered like your parent’s Washington Post.
If a navel-gazing newspaper isn’t your thing, here’s your weekly list of events. If you’re looking to distract yourself from loneliness or need something to do with your boo, I’ve got you covered.
Xoxo,
Mo
Honor Titus: For Heaven's Sake
When: Tuesday to Saturday 10am–5pm. Please contact info@timothytaylor.com to make an appointment.
Where: Timothy Taylor Gallery 515 West 19th Street, New York, NY 10011, USA
What: This recommendation is fully plagiarized from The Drunken Canal, who called this show “required Instagram posting for anyone art-adjacent.” What more do you want? Check out some paintings and snap some selfies. Hopefully we’ll go to packed gallery openings again before 2021 is over.
How much: Free
Heart Destroyer Fest
When: Saturday + Sunday 9pm EST
Where: Zoom 420-777-8888. Check their Instagram day of for the password
What: a 2-day festival from the people behind Subculture party, AKA the Zoom rave filled with alt Tik Tok stars going wild in their living rooms. Saturday is devoted to Girli’s EP release. If you don’t know her, imagine a punky version of Charli XCX minus the subtlety.
That same night will feature DJ sets by America’s favorite twink That Kid, who played unreleased Slayyyter songs last time. The following evening has the DJ turned songstress Alice Longyu Gao, the gabber queen Alice Gas, and the band Kitten. Don’t feel pressured to turn your camera on. Showing up to gawk at the kids is fun enough.
How much: Free
Be Mine
When: Sunday, 6pm EST
Where: The Sultan Room, 234 Starr St
What: Horrorchata gets together with Bushwig regulars Charlene, and Neon Calypso and Dragula contestant Maddelynn Hatter for this Valentine’s Day drag show. The 8pm slot is all booked up so get tickets for the 6pm show before it sells out.
How much: $25
Bad Judy: a Special Valentine’s Day Edition
When: Sunday, 2pm EST
Where: Good Judy, 563 5th Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11215
What: This drag show at the Park Slope queer bar Good Judy routinely sells out even when a holiday isn’t involved. Past stunts include the drag queen Mini Horrorwitz getting scalped by an indigenous peoples activist. I’m headed to the sold out show at 6pm, but you can still grab tickets to the 2pm slot. You’ll see Horrorwitz alongside resident queen Essa Noche.
How much: $20 per person
OXTRAVAGANZA
When: Sunday 11pm - 2am EST
Where: RSVP for the link.
What: A queer Lunar New Year party, with virtual floats from NYC’s own Bubble Tea, Miami’s Club Koi, and more. If you’re off for president’s day get drunk and tune in to twirl.
How much: $10 suggested donation
That’s it for this dispatch. If you liked it please consider hitting the heart button on this post or forwarding this email to a pal! If you’re the pal please subscribe. I write twice a week: once about upcoming worthy events (for free subscribers) and once about underground news and gossip (for paying members). You can send me tips about either by emailing thedeviantdispatch@gmail.com . If you care about drag queens, illegal parties, independent music/art/film/fashion, Charli XCX, and rebellion, you need to read The Deviant Dispatch.